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Akita Philippines

APAS and Waiting

 

 “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and and time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.”

– Ecclesiastes 3:1-6

Time. If you have read Mitch Albom’s The Timekeeper, you would know Dor. Dor or Father Time. Because of his curiosity, time was created. Because time can now be measured into seconds, hours, months, years, our anticipation can grow, sorrows can linger, happiness can just breeze by.

Time can be unbearable, especially for those who wait. More so for impatient people. And this is a perfect description of me — an impatient woman in waiting. 

In moments that I yearn, I try to divert my attention. I have accepted the fact that everything in my life happens for a reason and everything will happen in His time. Human as I am though, there are still moments that I crave for a happiness that a little infant would bring to our home. 

Being inconclusively and recently diagnosed with APAS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (more about this later on) was depressing enough. Three months ago, I rejoiced already, thinking that the tests were negative (or so my other doctors said). 

Recently though, I have visited a perinatologist specializing in APAS and when she read the results, she confirmed that I was positive for it and she has to conduct more tests. Verifying it with more tests is scary at this point in time, especially when my research does not return so much information on the topic. Roughly explained, my blood has the tendency to coagulate (or to excessively clot). This usually results to migraine headaches, bruising, premature miscarriages and just recently, progressive memory problems. Check, check and check on those symptoms.

Ugh.

I am not an internet doctor. However, I am a marketing person. Being such, I research on facts about problems at hand. I stay positive that amidst all the tests, we will be able to go beyond this. 

I thank my husband and our families for being supportive. Waiting for the test results is agonizing but I want to prepare this time. Together with your prayers, maybe soon, God will finally send a stork to our humble little home. I keep my hopes up and my faith. So, bless me God.

I am writing this post not because I want sympathy. I do not know how many out there are experiencing the same sorrows. It would be good to have a support group and someone to relate to.

Let’s all hang on and continue our prayers. Love you all.

A Daughter’s Love

To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. –Euripides

 
I never thought I would see the day my father would cry. I did. Fortunately, I just saw it in pictures. It would have been heartbreaking to actually see him crumble. 
 
My father is an epitome of strength, sometimes bordering into sternness. I can still vividly remember the days when my Papa sat beside me, coaching me through my Math subjects in grade school no matter how exasperated I was in solving gazillions of equations. He was the reason I loved Math.
 
My father did not show a lot of emotions. In fact, back then, I felt that I was disappointing him all the time. Not graduating valedictorian in high school or dropping out of the dean’s list because of stupid swimming classes and failing the physical examinations. 
 
But two weekends ago, on June 17, everything in the past did not matter. During our “last” dance, the love that was very hard to pin down, was so staggering it was like an avalanche. I knew, in my heart, that all these times, he was nothing but a father proud of his daughter.
 


 
 
As the song, You Can Let Go Now Daddy played, I tried so hard to fight the tears. But there it welled.
 
 
 
My relationship with my dad was never vocal. There were no frequent “I love you’s” nor hugs nor heart-to-heart conversation. But I know that I will always be, despite the change in my last name, his little Amechachurra girl – a daughter before I became a wife to somebody. In his family before I have a family of my own.
 
So to you, Papa, let us just get this out of my system – Thank you so much for everything. I love you. Unconditionally. 
 
 
 
Belated Happy Fathers’ Day. 
 
xx,
Your Eldest 🙂

The Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
I just posted in my Facebook account that I am having a severe mental block. Although I have promised myself to populate this site with one blog a day (they say this is the most effective way of keeping your readers), I just can’t seem to do it. Lack of topics, perhaps. Lack of interest? Lack of sparkle? 
 
After the delirious pacing of my mind on the topics that I can discuss, I asked myself, what is the most significant thing that happened to me today?

Well, I was at two places all in the same day. Had to fly to Cebu and back to Bacolod again just to attend an event. Despite the fact that it was tiresome, it made me happy because I was able to connect with people whom I haven’t touched base for quite some time.

 
Coming from this, I realized that today is nothing but a day of gratitude. Grateful for a safe flight to and fro. Grateful for a successful event. Grateful for a happy day with my parents, my fiance and my siblings.
 
Gratitude. A lot of people do not know how to be grateful. Most of the people I know are always looking at the glass half-empty instead of half-full. For me though, it has always been a cup running over. 
 
So, I celebrate the good things in my life and I would like to run them all down. Please do indulge me — 
 
1. For my God for always not forsaking me; for granting my last prayer; for all the blessings I have been receiving for more than 28 years of my life — for just being there, as my mentor and as my friend;
 
2. To St. Rita of Cascia, Tito Nelson, Lolo, all my mighty angels, Padre Pio for interceding on my behalf for a near impossible request which I prayed for this month;
 
3. For my fiance and my family, for my friends who are my pillars of sanity, love and laughter;
 
4. For my job, as stable and rewarding as it has been since I started working;
 
5. For the sunsets and the beautiful skies that I witness everywhere I travel;
 
6. For just waking up each day and being able to do all the things that I have mentioned above. Ahh, bliss!
 
They said happiness comes in many forms. But to be happy, I believe that one first needs to be grateful. Because it is when we stop appreciating the things that happen in our lives that we become bitter people with nothing but a cloud above our head. 
 
I hope I triggered a spark in your life. To offer gratitude for things big and small. It somehow makes a big difference in your life. Because these kinds of things — gratitude, appreciation, love, contentment — are so positive it can only attract more good things. 
 

So, as of the words of Padre Pio, “Pray, hope and don’t worry.”  And rest assured that good things will always come. 

Pain, Stitches and Burns

Stitches and BurnsI maybe a masochist but that is fine; because I know what kind of pain can kill me. You however, are a sadist. You keep on hurting me — and you are breaking me into pieces.

 
People have different propensity to pain – physical or emotional. I consider myself at the higher tolerance level of this grid. So when I begin to cocoon myself, you have really hurt me good.
 
However, there are also two kinds of people – the people who hurt you but they do not matter and the others who do. For the first type, I usually just shrug them off. They are not worth my time anyway. The second one is the hardest to ignore – people who matter – close friends, family, loved ones. It is hard to ignore because of the deposits you have invested in the emotional bank account. Yet, they keep on taking you for granted and depleting whatever “emotional funds” you have put in.
 
No one is perfect. Even I have my own share of both intentional and accidental grievances. However, when epiphany comes, I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Because at the end of the day, I do not want to hurt the people who are important to me.
 
It is disappointing to be in a situation where you expect people to do the same. A mentor told me once that disappointment arises from not properly communicating your expectations. It was hard for me to accept that because I believe that each one of us is equipped with common sense. How hard is it to realize that you are clearly stepping on someone else? How hard is it to realize that you are hurting someone?
 
I only have one clear answer in my head and this has been said to me by a good friend – willingness. People hurt someone else because they are not willing to do anything to change a situation which causes the pain. I hold on to those words.
 
Bo Sanchez, in one of his preaching at the Feast sounded something like this: “Let nothing affect you especially if they are not under your circle of influence. When people or situations keep on hurting you or bringing you down, maybe they are not meant to be in your life. The power to change your life is in your hands. The power to run away from these negative elements is within you. You just have to have COURAGE.”
 
We do not have the power to control what people should do. We do not have the power to make people like us. But we always have the power to walk away.
 
I would like to end this note with a prayer –
 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference. 


Ciao!

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